These Words shared by My Father Which Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger inability to talk among men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a pause - going on a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."